I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
