Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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