Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
