What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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