kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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