I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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