Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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