Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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