its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
