Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
