its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
