i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
