If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
