I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You were trust falling into bushes
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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