your parents love me but you hate me
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize