if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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