Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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