I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
