Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
