We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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