i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
