And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
