he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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