Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
