Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
