Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Duck Duck Cougar?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
