phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
