R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
