your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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