I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
