How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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