Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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