I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
