You smell like stripper and shame
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
FUCK WHALES
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
