woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize