If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
