My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
