My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
