She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
