STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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