i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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