I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize