Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I didn't notice because vodka
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
