Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
