i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
