Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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