Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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