I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize