Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
