i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
