I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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