I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
