If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
