I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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