They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
