Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
