I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
