I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
