i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
