took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize