So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
