I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
