whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
