Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
