I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
