I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
