i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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