I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And then my night got REAL pukey
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
