I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
