The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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