the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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