I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
