I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
