dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
