I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
