You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
