i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize