whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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