I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
