Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
