can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize