Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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