Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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