I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
