So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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