You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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