Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Ladies don't puke and tell
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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