I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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