You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
