So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
