Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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