if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
