I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
