Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
