I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
