Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
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